teenlinesI heard a guy next to me at a bar pick up a girl using all golf metaphor. Lots of references to the “stiffness” of his clubs, and how he really knew how to “drive” on a “fairway.” Strangely enough, this seemed to work, even though he looked like Evan Handler.
Outside Wal-Mart, I saw two ladies chatting and smoking, each with a baby in their respective shopping cart. The only snippet of conversation I heard was “I was at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and she pulled on my fucking diaper bag, that bitch.” She was pointing at her baby.
“Dude, my scooter’s leaking gasoline!”
said the hipster as he excitedly waved his lit cigarette next to his scooter’s gas tank outside Copper Creek. My wife and I passed the scene on our way to dinner.
–Submitted by Matt Hannum
— Heard in passing in front of the Manhattan, my favorite bar in Athens, GA.
Someone down the street put out his/her recycling for curbside pickup in a giant plastic planter that ostensibly looks like a grecian urn. Mostly, it looks like a prop from a Roger Corman movie. Filled with aluminum cans and plastic Coke bottles.
I heard a couple get into a fight at Trader Joes about what kinds of cheese the male member of the couple liked. She said he liked blue cheese, and he swore he didn’t.
A swan charged me at a seabird rehabilitation center. Thankfully, I was behind a fence because it looked like it meant business, its elbows cocked and ready to punch me (the zookeeper guy assured me that they can punch the crap out of you!) and its mouth snapping at me. When it reached the fence, it kept up this snapping and air punching for about 30 seconds before giving up. I got a good look at the serrated things in its beak. It looked like it could have done some damage!
The zookeeper guy said, “Yeah…he’s a mean one.”
